You Are Never Truly Alone: Dealing With The Fear of Not Finding "The One"

I was recently catching up with a close friend of mine. She talked about a misunderstanding she had with her new boyfriend. She asked something that tugged at my heart, "What if I end up being alone?"

Her question brought back memories of my own fear, which I had years before meeting my now-husband. I was speechless at that time. I could only smile at her and tell her that we don't know what will happen in the future. We can only hope and pray for the best circumstances.

In this blog post, I will be exploring the fear of being alone, the uncertainty of waiting, and finding hope and peace amidst the fear and uncertainty.

"What If I Never Find 'The One'?"

Humans have a natural desire for companionship. Children long to be held by their parents. Teenagers wish to be accepted by their peers. For adults, hoping to find "the one" is among our life goals.

The moment we reach the "marrying age", usually by mid-20s, our family, friends, coworkers, or even acquaintances often bombard us with questions and suggestions related to finding the one.

"Why are you still single?"

"Can I introduce you to someone?"

"You should put yourself out there."

Societal pressure to find a mate adds to the fear of being alone. Balancing work and life, plus the pressure to find a life partner, is a common struggle for many individuals. It can also affect a person's self-esteem by making them feel "not good enough" because they haven't found a partner yet. Waiting and not knowing if they will ever meet the right person makes someone feel lonely, afraid, and in pain.

All of those feelings are valid. It is normal to want to be loved and accepted. That longing in our hearts is what makes us human.

My Struggles And Fears Of Being Alone

As an only child, being alone is not new for me. I used to play by myself as a kid. I studied and did homework on my own, sometimes asking my mom for help. I only had a few friends and did not go out much during my teens. I was too focused on studying and graduating from college. As I grew older, the fear of being alone when I grow old slowly crept in.

The fear lingered whenever I passed by couples, while attending weddings, or when someone asks me, "When are you settling down?" I feel a little jealous when I see a friend, an old classmate, or a colleague about my age getting married. I also hoped to have a partner to share life with and to build my own family.

Years passed by. I met good guys both in person and online, mostly introduced by friends and coworkers. I went out on dates. I had relationships that left my heart broken. But still, my wish to find the one hasn't come true.

At times, I questioned if something was wrong with me. I felt left out, sad, and unworthy. I was starting to lose hope as the fear took space in my heart. I prayed and waited. And slowly, my perspective started to change.

When I Shifted From Finding "The One" To Being "The One"

My mindset changed when I started accepting the possibility that I might not meet “the one". I thought that if I end up being single for life, I want to enjoy my own company. I want to be the person I am willing to accept and love, despite my imperfections.

I started caring for myself just like I would care for my loved ones. I started new hobbies. I practiced yoga to clear my head from overthinking. I enrolled in a Muay Thai class, so I can defend myself when the need arises. I took myself out on dates - watching movies and eating out alone. I learned to enjoy my own company in the process.

I also got to meet new people. But this time, there was no pressure or overthinking about whether the person could be "the one". I enjoyed connecting with other people and building genuine friendships in the process.

As I unloaded myself of the stress of trying to look for a partner, I learned to appreciate the love I already have around me. I have a very loving and doting mom. I have relatives who are supportive of me. I also have friends, even just a few, who are always there for me in good and bad times. I am truly loved and not really alone, after all.

It wasn't giving up on finding the right person. I just let go of the pressure of finding "the one" like it had a deadline that must be met. I stopped fixating on the future that I wanted. Instead, I started living in the present and enjoying every moment.

I surrendered and trusted God's plans in my life. I continued praying for His guidance to lead me to the path He intends for me to be. The more I grew in faith, the more I embraced my singleness, and the less lonely I felt. Then, I realized I was never truly alone.

Realizing God's Presence In My Life

Looking back on my journey, I realized God's constant presence in my life. In Isaiah 41:10, God says: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God.” Those words comfort and reassure me that I will never walk alone. I have God with me.

I started to enjoy my single-blessedness. I used it as an opportunity to heal myself, serve others, and grow closer to my Creator. And in God's perfect timing, I met the person who would become my husband when I wasn't expecting it. We have now been married for five years and have been blessed with a little girl.

But there is one thing I knew for sure. Even if I did not meet my husband and have a family, I knew I would still be okay. Because I already found a love who would never leave me - God's love.

As mentioned in Psalm 118:1, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His steadfast love endures forever!" I am always grateful for the love God has for me and for blessing me with my own family.

Encouragement For Those Afraid of Being Alone

For the single person in the season of waiting, I want you to know that your feelings of loneliness, fears, doubts, and longing are all valid. It is a natural and beautiful desire to long for a partner and build your own family. But you should always remember that your life doesn't start when you find "the one", your life is already happening now.

Live and enjoy life. Enjoy your own company. Because sometimes, the peace and purpose you find in solitude can lead you to the path God has planned for you.

Keep leaning into and growing in faith. Surrender all your fears and worries to God. Let him be with you during the times when you feel afraid and lonely. It’s in those silent moments of struggle that He often does His deepest work. Deuteronomy 31:8 states, "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Your relationship status is never a measure of your worth as a person. You are a whole person with so much goodness and love to give to the world. Whether or not you ever find "the one", know that you are already deeply loved and never truly alone.

It's okay to continue hoping and waiting to find "the one". But also let yourself live fully and freely while waiting. Be at peace that God is always with you and loves you no matter what happens.

Ending this post with a reminder of God's unconditional love. As stated in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life."

Are you single and hoping to find "the one"?

Or now in a relationship or happily married, who's had struggles before you found your partner?

What helped you cope with the feelings of fear and loneliness?

I'd love to hear your story. Feel free to reach out through my contact page.